Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Monday October 8, 2012.  Why were you fired???? 

I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.  
I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself. 
I worked on screen doors, but I strained myself. 
I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my status was up in the air.  
I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me. 
I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey. 
I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way. 
I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening. 
I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate. 
I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I didn’t have the thyme. 
I once was a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it. It was a so-so job. 
I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind. 
I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting. 
I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. 
I worked for a plumber, but that work was too draining. 
I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it. So they gave me the ax. 
I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn’t fit in. 
I became a fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income. 
I was a musician, but I found I wasn’t noteworthy. 
I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job. 
I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that! 
I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. 
Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, 
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji
TV has changed the American child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.
Laurence J. Peter
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least 5 years to the age of their best friend.
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
I’m not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.
Will Rogers
Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.
“Oh, you’re 4,” said the teacher. “And when will you be 5?” The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, “When I hold up the other finger.” 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “What do you love about music?” “In a word? Everything”.
Answer: Almost Famous!  “Almost Famous”(2000) was based on the real-life experience of director Cameron Crowe, who worked for Rolling Stone magazine when he was a teenager. This quote comes from the very end of the movie, when William finally gets his interview with Russell Hammond.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Somebody poisoned the waterhole.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
For each of the following clues, what is a synonym that contains the letters CAT? 
1.Baseball position, 2.Copy, 3.What you get with a doctor’s prescription, 4.Underground cemetery 
5.Time off from school or work , 6.Ten-event contest , 7.Disaster , 8.Mimic , 9.Cows , 10.Teacher 
ANSWER:  1.(cat)cher  2.dupli(cat)e   3.medi(cat)ion   4.(cat)acomb 
7.(cat)astrophe   8.copy(cat)   9.(cat)tle 
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
As you may know, a group of fish is called a “school”, a group of lions is called a “pride”, and a group of seagulls is called a “flock”. Some are a little more unusual. See if you can guess what animals belong to the following groups: 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:,

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