His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl)
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master. (unknown)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (unknown)
He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (unknown)
She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef. (unknown)
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up. (unknown)
Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever. (unknown)
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM. (unknown)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. (unknown)
Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (unknown)
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (unknown)
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river. (unknown)
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. (unknown)
Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“This is Columbus Day weekend. As you know, Columbus came here looking
for the easiest way to obtain cheap Asian goods. So he came to the right place.
He just came too early, that’s all. Now we just go to Walmart.” -Jay Leno
“The movie ‘Taken 2’ opens today. In the first one, the bad guys kidnapped
Liam Neeson’s daughter, and in this new movie they kidnap his ex-wife. I’m
not sure that’s really upping the ante.” -Craig Ferguson
“A woman here in New York claims that her blind date stole her iPhone and
her wallet. She was like, ‘I have to get that iPhone back I mean,
what if he calls?'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet.
“I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old,” I said to my husband, hoping he’d take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. “Or,” he offered instead, “it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Somebody poisoned the waterhole.”
Answer: Toy Story! “Toy Story” was released in 1995. The film is about what toys do while their owner is away. Once Andy is gone, the toys come to life. Two of the most popular characters are Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Woody is voiced by Tom Hanks and Buzz is voiced by Tim Allen. Sid was an evil neighbor kid who liked to destroy toys. The toys decided to get even. Woody said the line in the question as one of his several quips in attempt to scare Sid. It worked.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, I know it’s a rock, I know. But let’s just pretend for a minute that it’s a seed, alright?”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
As you may know, a group of fish is called a “school”, a group of lions is called a “pride”, and a group of seagulls is called a “flock”. Some are a little more unusual. See if you can guess what animals belong to the following groups:
Crash Exaltation Mob Murder Parliament Pod Sounder
ANSWER: Crash – Rhinoceros
Exaltation – Lark
Mob – Kangaroo
Murder – Crow
Parliament – Owl
Pod – Whale
Sounder – Pig/Hog
Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
What expression is represented here?
I hear: “It, It, It, It, …”
You hear: “I_, I_, I_, I_, …”
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.schoons.com. www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.