Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

382561_419442564774654_1120205716_nWELCOME to Friday March 22, 2013. Miscellaneous Sayings, Some New, Some Old…

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I intend to live forever — so far, so good.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!

Mental backup in progress — Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap — Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria — they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“For many colleges, this is spring break. College kids will go to places like South Beach to make mistakes they will cherish for a lifetime.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The U.S. Senate is now fighting to keep open the Senate barber shop. It loses $350,000 a year. Do you know what that makes it? The most successful government program ever. It’s only losing $350,000 a year.” -Jay Leno

“The Pope has more than one designation. He’s also the bishop of Rome. He’s also known as the pontiff. And here’s what I didn’t know. He’s also known as Diddy.” -David Letterman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE” A ship is called “she” because there is always a great deal of bustle around her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”

Answer: Wedding Crashers! Jeremy Grey (played by Vince Vaughn) says this to John Beckwith (played by Owen Wilson). The two play best friends who crash weddings for free food and one-night stands with women. The movie also stars Rachel McAdams and Christopher Walkens.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor.
It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates.
Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.

Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him?

Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested.

This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw. Plates For Sale;
[W 05 NWO] [H 13 HSR ] [O 05 EBM] [D 08 UNE] [U 10 HTY] [N 04 BRE] [N 16 TTE]
[I 26 LHC ] [T 10 AEE] [I 26 CNA] [X 22 VDA]

ANSWER: 1)The first bit is easy, as the first letter of each plate spells WHODUNNIT IX
(A challenge to our Inspector.) 2)The second bit is a little trickier, but I gave you the solution.
If you read the last three letters in each plate from the bottom up and right to left you get
ADVANCE EACH LETTER BY THE NUMBER SHOWN, so advance W by 5 to get B,
H by 13 to get U and so on until you spell BUTLER DID IT.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The new accountant is putting together payroll. She is having a hard time remembering who does what in the office, which makes it hard to print out the pay checks. This is what she does know.

The secretary makes the least amount of money, and has worked there the shortest amount of time.

Jill makes less than the catering manager, but has worked there longer than everyone but the general manager.

The Sales Manager position pays $800.00.

The Administrative Assistant has worked there for 12 years.

The General Manager makes the most money because he has the highest position with the most experience.

Carla makes the least amount of money.

Laurie is the catering manager.

Warren has worked there for 10 years.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MR. STEVE SCHICK

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

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