Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

401264_302236433162477_256279347758186_913841_1458976489_nWELCOME to Wednesday May 1, 2013. Why Men Can’t Win….. 

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. 
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. 
 
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation. 
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your *** and find something better. 
 
If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment. 
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference. 
 
If you cry, you’re a wimp. 
If you don’t, you’re insensitive. 
 
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist pig. 
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman. 
 
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. 
If she asks you, it’s a favor. 
 
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. 
If you don’t, you’re a slob. 
 
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. 
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful. 
 
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist. 
If you’re not, you’re not ambitious. 
 
If she has a headache, she’s tired. 
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! Emoji 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A new study found out that having money and good looks does not make you happy. On the other hand, being broke and ugly is no day at the beach either.” -Jay Leno
“The miniseries ‘The Bible’ was a big hit. Now it’s being cut down to three hours so that it can be released in theaters. And apparently theaters will be able to feed an entire audience with just one bucket of popcorn.” -Jimmy Fallon
“They say that when you have a baby, you lose 700 hours of sleep in the first year, but it’s worth it when they’re old enough to do the yard work.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.”  Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: “So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)
 
Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: “Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? Character 1: “I’m having a hot flash.”
Character 2: “You’re fine.” 
Character 1: “Seriously. They’re starting.” 
Character 2: “You’re on a camel in the middle of the Arabian desert. If you’re not having a hot flash, you’re dead!”  
 
Answer: Sex and the City 2! This comic moment took place between Samantha and Carrie mid way through the film, as the pair basked in the Arabian sunshine while riding on a camel. The plot of the 2010 film, “Sex and the City 2”, revolved around the four main characters’, (Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda), adventures in Abu Dhabi. Picking up two years after the first installment  the film followed the girls’ attempts to de-stress in the United Arab Emirates. However although good times were undoubtedly had by all, it was not all plain sailing, not least due to Samantha’s unwillingness to respect Muslim customs. 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “I think I’ve kind of been in a bubble…thinking that fairness was gonna just happen. It’s not. People like me are gonna have to get up off their fathers’ laps and go out and fight for it.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are four epitaphs (writing on gravestones). From the writings, can you tell the occupation of each person?
 
1. Here lies Mortimer Bibbs.
He took part of ours and gave it to big brother, but he always had good form.
 
2. Here lies Dirk McDuff, who toppled giants with weapons of steel. If only he’d heard his partner’s shout before the giants found their revenge.
 
3. Here lies Suzy Smelt. She constructed many a bomb but mostly brought smiles to our faces.
 
4. Here lies Ethel Grant. She spent her whole life fighting with what she will now become. 
 
ANSWER: 1. Mortimer was a tax man.
2. Dirk was a lumberjack (and died because he didn’t hear his partner yell “Timber!”).
3. Suzy was a comedienne.
4. Ethel was a maid, always fighting dust (referring to “ashes to ashes and dust to dust”). 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
We meet each other in very quick a motion, 
Some are shocked to see such devotion. 
Other times with others we are 
To be blunt, not quite at par. 
 
It depends whether or not we match, 
If we don’t, then we attach. 
If we do, we stay away, 
But if forced we go affray. 
 
How strange it is, when we’re opposing, 
The gap between us is speedily closing. 
Yet when we are the same, in fact, 
We don’t stay close, we detract.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  EmojiLike this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.

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