Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, January 20, 2015.    

Tuesday’s Punography……
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
 
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
 
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
 
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
 
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
 
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
 
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
 
Strange! No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
 
Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
 
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it’s now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Nike announced that this year it will sell self-lacing tennis shoes. By the way, if you’re too lazy to lace up your tennis shoes you’re really going to hate tennis.” -Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday was New York’s 14th annual no-pants subway ride. Of course, if you want to see a bunch of people riding the subway without pants, today works too.” -Seth Meyer

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.” 

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”  

 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I think I’ll eat your heart.’  

Answer: Red Dragon! This is said by Hannibal (Anthony Hopkins) to Will Graham (Edward Norton), 

in this prequel to ‘The Silence of the Lambs’. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘It vexes me. I’m terribly vexed.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

A donkey behind another donkey

I’m behind that second donkey

But there is a whole nation behind me

It is a murder you can describe in a word. 

ANSWER: Ass ass i nation  Assassination  

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.

A traveller decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.

He later found that the locals had given the street another name.

What is the name?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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