Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 28, 2015.    

Steven Wright………………… 
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
How young can you die of old age?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
On the other hand… You have different fingers.
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Women… Can’t live with ’em… Can’t shoot ’em.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
What do batteries run on?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one
time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down
then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, also known as No Work Gets Done Day. I wonder if anyone has ever been fired on ‘take your kid to work day.’ Just imagine, ‘Ron, will you and your daughter step into my office please?’ That would be a lesson about what it is like to work.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Anybody go to the Olive Garden? Every table at the Olive Garden now has a computer. It’s the perfect way for a family of four to ignore one another. And while you’re there on the Olive Garden computer, you can get on the Internet and look up a better restaurant.” Dave Letterman

“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. 

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'” 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘How am I supposed to get a chick in that?’

Answer: Basketball! Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s comedy masterpiece 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’  

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

 
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
 
ANSWER: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
 
Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….
The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. A clock or watch * Period between wars (2 words)
2. Fabulous * Chase after
3. Have faith in * Not disturb (2 words)
4. European weight, informally * Understated (Hyphenated)
5. Student, say, with a summer office job * Go to bed (2 words)
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

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