WELCOME to Thursday, May 7, 2015.
1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and
announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned
to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when
he fell in and became part of the solution.
10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
The man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good. ~Polish Proverb
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner. ~Ben Bergor
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. ~Garry Trudeau
Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it. ~Salvador Dali
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments. ~Jim Morrison
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and
they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.~Gilda Radner
Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills! ~Neva Faith Linn
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In an English school, the examiner asked one of the children to name the products of the Indian Empire. The child was well prepared, but very nervous.
“Please, sir,” the answer ran, “India produces curries and pepper and rice and citron and chutney and-and–”
There was a long pause. Then, as the first child remained silent, a little girl raised her hand. The examiner nodded.
“Yes, you may name any other products of India.”
“Please, sir,” the child announced proudly, “India-gestion.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Stay back you worthless bag of bones, before I have you gassed!’
Answer: Beaches! Bette Midler to her beast of a dog. Only movie I ALWAYS cry watching… O.K. ‘Steel Magnolias’, too! (But don’t tell anyone!)
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Look at that, Pappy. He’s got brand new windshield wipers for a busted windshield….you know, Pappy–you can’t polish a turd!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
Indivi ( _ _ _ _ ) ity
Din ( _ _ _ ) ve
Can ( _ _ _ ) lar
Bru ( _ _ _ ) ly
L ( _ _ _ ) litude
ANSWER: Individual – duality Dinner – nerve Cancel – cellar Brutal – tally Lamp – amplitude
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
Interrogator. “Who stole the gold?”
Thyme. “It was Basil.”
TODAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING WEDNESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB BANKS!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/