Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

street-signs

WELCOME to Thursday, June 11, 2015.    

Here are some funny, stupid, and witty one liners for your day…….
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I’m just driving this way to piss you off.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Keep honking, I’m reloading.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“This weekend in Los Angeles, people got to meet famous cats from the Internet at the first-ever CatCon. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it because I’m allergic to sad people.” -Conan O’Brien

“Chipotle has announced plans to provide paid vacation, tuition, reimbursement, and sick days for hourly workers, which is great. But now if you want guacamole, it’s $400.” -Seth Meyers

“Yahoo! announced last week that after eight years of operation it’s shutting down Yahoo! Maps. Also announced this week – there’s something called Yahoo! Maps.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.” 

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Rip ’em.” 

Answer: No Holds Barred! Hulk Hogan plays Rip, a wrestler (a stretch I know). Hogan’s first feature film as the star (he was in “Rocky III” as Thunderlips!) “Rip’em” was the character Rip’s catchphrase. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Why don’t you love me Jenny?”

   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

You will know that I am coming

From the jingle of my bell,

But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.

Children, they adore me

for they find me jolly,

but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.

My job often leaves me frozen,

I am a man that all should know,

But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.

I travel much on business,

But no reindeer haul me around,

I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.

I love the time of Christmas,

But that’s not my vocational season,

And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.    

ANSWER: Ice Cream Man! 
 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

Help Beethoven use these clues below to decipher these popular Christmas/Holiday tunes.

Example: A Triad of Monarchs

Answer: We Three Kings

1. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.

2. Frozen precipitation commences.

3. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas.

4. I envisioned a trio of marine vessels. 

5. Do you perceive the same longitudinal pressure that stimulates my auditory sense organs? 

6. Leave and do a broadcast on an elevated peak.

Bonus: The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! BRILLIANT SOLVING JOB LADIES.  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

  

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