Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, June 16, 2015.      

PLAIN ENGLISH for TOURISTS

On a bottle of Chinese medicine: KNOW TO CURE ITCHING, COLDS, STOMACHS, BRAINS AND OTHER DISEASES

From instructions on a Japanese medicine bottle: ADULTS: 1 TABLET 3 TIMES A DAY UNTIL PASSING AWAY!

Cocktail lounge, Norway: “LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”

On an Athi River highway: “TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”

In a City restaurant: “OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

Hotel, Japan: “YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”

Taken from a menu, Poland: “SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.”

Supermarket, Hong Kong: “FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.”

From the “Soviet Weekly”: “THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.”

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.”

A laundry in Rome: “LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.” 

On a Japanese bread wrapper: TAKE ME HOME, LETS MAKE HAPPY IN YOUR BASKET!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I’m constantly apologizing.” -Seth Meyers 

“Pizza Hut announced it will be unveiling a pizza whose crust is stuffed with hot dogs. There’s no better proof that our country is back than they’re jamming hot dogs into the crust of pizza. That’s a sign that we, as a country, cannot be defeated.” -Conan O’Brien

“Apple has just announced that from now on, all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing ‘1,2,3,4’ to hack into my iPhone, you’re going to have to type ‘1,2,3,4,5,6.’” -James Corden 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?” “Two days ago.”  “Hm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer.”  “What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?” “At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”  “No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”  “He’s taking every penny I make.”  “Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”  “He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”  “Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”  “Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!” 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “They call me Cuban Pete. I’m the king of the rumba beat. When I shake my maracas I go chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom…” 

Answer: The Mask! This is actually the first line to a song and one of the funniest moments in the movie. It’s when they think they catch the Mask but he turns the tables by making every single police officer dance and one female officer sings with him. “…in Havana…”  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Too easy Drill Sargeant!”

   

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

I’m in a zoo

But not in a jungle

I rarely come in pairs

But I’m in every puzzle

Some think I’m in a xylophone

But, I most certainly am not

You don’t see me with a loan

But very strangely in a zealot

I’m in the magical prison of Azkaban

Well, can’t you see?

I’m in the buzz of a fan

But, my oh my what could I be?  

ANSWER: The letter “Z”  
 

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Which of the following words does not belong in the list, and why?

Reappear

Caucasus

Inefficiencies

Signings

Arraigning

Horseshoer

Intestines

Appeases

 
 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS & MS. KIM HILLYARD! INCREDIBLE SOLVING WORK LADIES.  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org

  

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