Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, August 24, 2015.    

Physics 101………..

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“According to a new survey, about half of the world thinks kissing is gross. That half is known as ‘married people.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times in one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien

“A winery in France is currently facing a rose shortage. For those of you not familiar with these terms, a winery is a group of women who have run out of rose.” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.

I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. 

Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. 

On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and twisted my ankle.

When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood, my wife took one look and said, “Those better not be your good pants!” Emoji 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a god. I’m not ‘the’ God. I’m ‘a’ god.’ 

Answer: Groundhog Day! Bill Murray explaining his predicament about halfway through the movie. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘At last we meet; for the first time, for the last time.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

It roars like thunder, 

And rises higher, 

While breathing fire, 

This wingless wonder. 

If it leaves its cave,

Drags us in its tail,

Over hill and dale,

Then you must be brave.

Early morning flight,

Silently it flies,

Slowly in the skies.

Hides before the night.

My kingdom at least,

To the brave young knight,

If you name it right.

What is this huge beast?   

ANSWER: A Hot Air balloon.   

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Female kangaroos carry their young (joeys) in a pouch. Likewise, kangaroo words contain another word (a joey) within themselves. A joey word is a synonym of the kangaroo word, and the letters must be in the same order.

Example: “rapscallion” contains the word “rascal”: RApSCALlion

See if you can find the joey words in these kangaroo words:

1. because

2. astound

3. municipality

4. charisma

5. damsel

See if you can find two joey words in this kangaroo word:

6. masculine

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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