Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, September 1, 2015.  

Here’s the story…….

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else’s calls 24 hours a day didn’t make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o’clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, “No problem. How many nights?” A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. “No, that won’t be necessary,” Leola said. “We trust you.”

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers’ convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter’s wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. “There’s no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers.”

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, We’re prepared to offer you $2,000,000 for the motel.” Leola replied. “We’ll take it, but only if you change the telephone number.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” –Darrin Weinberg

“Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been passionate, rebellious, and immature.” –Tom Robbins

“I’ll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.” – Montgomery Burns, THE SIMPSONS 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?” 

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. 

A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.” 

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man sobbing loudly, “I’m trying to quit drinking.”

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Time’s up. Three bucks off.’  

Answer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Mikey talking to Donatello about the late pizza man.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A clock has 60 lines on it; one at each minute interval. Everyone knows that the hour and minute hands point to the same line at 12:00. Can you figure out what time it is for these situations?

1. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the NEXT line.

2. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the PREVIOUS line.    

ANSWER: 1. The time is 2:12.

2. The time is 9:48. The hour hand is exactly on a line every 12 minutes, so we only need to look at times ending in 00, 12, 24, 36, and 48.

The hands exactly overlap at 12:00. They are 5 lines apart at 11:00 and 1:00, and farther apart at other hours.

At times ending in 12, the hands are closest at 2:12, where they are 1 line apart.

At times ending in 24, the hands are closest at 4:24, where they are 2 lines apart.

At times ending in 36, the hands are closest at 7:36, where they are 2 lines apart.

At times ending in 48, the hands are closest at 9:48, where they are 1 line apart. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

For each group below, fill in the blanks with two words that differ only by their first letter.

1. Stop thinking over here. Go _ _ _ _ _ _ over _ _ _ _ _ _.

2. An untrained person could be killed in these woods, but there is little _ _ _ _ _ _ for a _ _ _ _ _ _.

3. Writing an “A” on your dish rag would make it a _ _ _ _ _ with a _ _ _ _ _.

 

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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