Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Tuesday, October 6, 2015.  
The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed ‘Hebonics’, as a second language. Backers of the move say the city’s School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture.
According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.
Prof. Schollman explains, “In Hebonics, the response to any question Is usually another question — plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus, ‘How are you?’ may be answered, How should I be, with my feet?’”
Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with “sh” or “shm” at the beginning: “Mountains,shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?”
Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: “It’s beautiful, that dress.”
Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as ‘He’s slow as a turtle,’ could be: “Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks.”
Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics.
Question: “What time is it?”
English answer: “Sorry, I don’t know.”
Hebonic answer: “What am I, a clock?”
Remark: “I hope things turn out okay.”
English response: “Thanks.”
Hebonic response: “I should BE so lucky!”
Remark: “Hurry up. Dinner’s ready.”
English response: “Be right there.”
Hebonic response: “Alright already, I’m coming. What’s with the ‘hurry’ business? Is there a fire?”
Remark: “I like the tie you gave me, wear it all the time.”
English response: “Glad you like it.”
Hebonic response: “So what’s the matter; you don’t like the other ties I gave you?”
Remark: “Sarah and I are engaged.”
English response: “Congratulations!”
Hebonic response: “She could stand to gain a few pounds.”
To guest of honor at his birthday party:
English remark: “Happy birthday.”
Hebonic remark: “A year smarter you should become.”
Remark: “A beautiful day.”
English response: “Sure is.”
Hebonic response: “So the sun is out; what else is new?”
Answering a phone call from son:
English remark: “It’s been a long time since you called.”
Hebonic remark: “You didn’t wonder if I’m dead yet?”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!   




“Burger King has begun bottling its own merlot and they call it Whopper Wine. Not to be outdone, 7-Eleven has begun selling a product fermented for six months. They call it a hot dog.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study shows that teens who mix alcohol and marijuana are more likely to have a bad driving record. Also, you can take out the word ‘driving’ and replace it with anything.” -Seth Meyers

“I read that after facing protests, Whole Foods announced that it will no longer sell food that has been prepared by prison inmates. Whole Foods customers were like, ‘This is great news–wait, WHAT?!'” -Jimmy Fallon



G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. “Tina,” I commented, “I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?” 

“At the store,” she answered. 

“Which one?” I asked. 

She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, “Both of them!”



Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? You could choke a dozen donkeys on that.’  

Answer: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels! Said by Nick Moran.   

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘They can’t evict you at Christmas. You’ll be ho-ho-homeless.’ 



Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Mac’s new house number has three digits. When she challenged her friends to guess it, they tried: 135, 780, 785, and 732.  “That’s amazing,” Mac said. “You’ve each guessed exactly one digit correctly and in its right place!” What is Mac’s house number?  

ANSWER:  182  Solution: The first digit must be 1 or 7. It can’t be 7 as only one digit is correct in each guess. So it’s 1. The other digits in guess #1 (i.e. 3 and 5) must be incorrect. Therefore, from guess #3, the second digit is 8. Guess #4 has a correct digit which must be its third – 2. 


Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you find 13 animals hidden in these words?




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 


LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.


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