Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

funny-pictures-of-old-ladies

WELCOME to Monday, November 16, 2015.    

Ponderings for Monday………. 

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if it’s already been built?

Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?

If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?

Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?

Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?

How did a fool and his money GET together?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien

“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden

“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level. 

The man said, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”

Impressed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”

“Outdoorsman nothing,” replied the man, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Thirty-two hundred dollars he gave me. Thirty-two hundred dollars for a lifetime. It wasn’t even enough to pay for the coffin.’ 

Answer:  Goodfellas! Said by Henry Hill. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Why don’t we just wait here for a while… see what happens.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Every clue below can be answered with a two word phrase in which each word contains OR. Your job is to figure out what they are. Good luck. 

1. Title for the head of London

2. Largest city in the Beaver State

3. Northern Lights

4. Author of 1984

5. Piece of paper you fill out in a catalog

6. Twining plant with funnel-shaped flowers

7. Pyongyang’s country

8. Neighborhood place to buy a quart of milk  

ANSWER: 1. Lord Mayor  2. Portland Oregon  3. Aurora Borealis  4. George Orwell  5. Order Form

6. Morning Glory  7. North Korea  8. Corner Store  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

My first is double twenty-one but twice of twenty-two,

Decipher it and you will see that statement is quite true.

My next two are just three apart, or, looking at the link,

You’ll have the answer easily and will not have to think.

My fourth is so more ways than one, so long as you can spell,

While my fifth splits first and second, so what is it? Can you tell?

It may seem like these words of rhyme are nonsense things to say,

Though the five together are right here (two ways) so what are they?

 
 
 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji                            

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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