Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

tell-me-more1

WELCOME to Tuesday, December 22, 2015.       

Holiday Eating Tips…….

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A London architect has come up with a concept for a floating hotel that is self-sustaining and could potentially move around the world. Great job, architect. You just invented the cruise ship.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study shows that elected leaders don’t live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there’s a candidate you really don’t like, vote for them.” -Stephen Colbert

“Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don’t know; that actually might make me START smoking.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” 

“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. 

“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t know what that is but I’ll lick it anyway!’   

Answer: Scary Movie 2! Hanson said this when he licks the turkey.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Let’s lollygaggin’ get the lollygaggin’ outta here!’ 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

Depressed circus entertainer 

Not living center of a pencil 

Cool film

Not soft protector  

ANSWER: Depressed circus entertainer =Down Clown

Not living center of a pencil = Dead Lead

Cool film= Groovy Movie

Not soft protector= Hard Guard 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

sneaky insect

humorous rabbit

happy boy

muscular tune

close fright

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s