WELCOME to Wednesday, December 30, 2015.
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn’t matter none of them work
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.” –Groucho Marx
“Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.” –Russell Baker
“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.” –Bill Vaughan
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single phone boot.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We were looking for it.’
Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! The Knights of Ni can’t hear the word ‘it’.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘That needle goes anywhere near Wendall’s leg, I swear to God on my momma’s grave, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
If I were to bleed from a wound or two,
You’d note in amazement, my blood is blue.
I’m found as a fossil in ancient stone,
Yet living today, I’m almost a clone.
My eyes will adjust a great many fold,
To see by the moonlight, who I can hold.
If I could tell my mate, I would say it is true,
These wonderful eyes are only for you.
I’m one of the last to die from pollution,
A living exception to evolution.
ANSWER: A horseshoe crab. As an adult, some may reach about 20 inches and if wounded indeed their blood is copper based and blue unlike most other blood. The Horseshoe crabs that swim ashore each year to mate are almost exactly the same as those found in the fossil record dating back an estimated 300 million years or more according to scientists. That’s 100 million years before the dinosaurs! Studies of their unusual eyes have shown that they become much more receptive at night regulated by their own internal clock. One article even stated a million times more receptive! Even studied for years in total darkness, the eyes continue to adjust back and forth for night and day. Since they locate food primarily by chemical scent, the only useful purpose for the amazing eyes seems to be their use to locate mates during their short breeding cycle. Hence, they could honestly tell their mate (if they could speak) “I only have eyes for you.”
Very hardy, they are almost impervious to pollution and are often the last living creatures in polluted bays. Staying unchanged over millions of years makes this creature an enigma to evolutionists who must try to explain why they did not evolve or change over such a long period. Not really closely related to a crab, these creatures are more like spiders and scorpions.
The hint? .. the shoe you probably got, and beauty refers to the classical horse adventure story “Black Beauty”.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?
Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.
Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.
You’re on your own for the rest!
1. Aqua – Hazel – Willow – Cherry
2. Cat – Sword – Hamster – Dog
3. Prince – Double – Queen – King
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/