WELCOME to Friday, January 22, 2016.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Cannibals like to meat people.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon? He was disbarred.
Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Gardeners always know the ground rules.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
A dentist married a manicurist, but they fought tooth and nail.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
I used to work for a blanket factory, but the company folded.
What kind of coat can be put on only when wet? A coat of paint.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”
Packing up and relocating to a new home can be a moving experience.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds? Tarzipan.
Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
The truth may ring out like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
In some places fog will never be mist.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What grows up while growing down? A goose.
I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Did you hear about the bear that was hit by an 18-wheeler and splattered all over the place? They said it was a grizzly accident.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.
What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can’t venom all.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr…………..
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
“There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.”
“The time is always right to do the right thing.”
“Free at last, free at last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.”
“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend.”
“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.”
“It does not matter how long you live, but how well you do it.”
“When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A piece of string walked into a bar and said “Gimme a beer!” but the bartender said “Get outta here! We don’t serve your kind here!” So the string left, but he was thirsty, and he really wanted a beer, so he messed up his hair real badly and looped himself around until he had tied himself into a knot. When the string went back into the bar, the bartender looked at him suspiciously and said “Aren’t you that worthless piece of string I just threw outta here?” No, the string replied, “I’m a frayed knot!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I feel like I’m Hans Solo, and you’re Chewie, and she’s Ben Kenobi, and we’re in that freaked-up bar.’
Answer: Dogma! Jay said this when they were getting coffee.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Oh, I’m sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck!’
In these Word Pyramids, the first letter is given to you (which is the first answer). Use the clues to build the pyramid to find the answer. In each consecutive answer, a letter is added to the previous answer. However, the answer letters might not be in the same order. Good Luck!!
Starting letter: I
2. to cut, tear apart
3. a support for two adjacent bridge spans
4. first in excellence, quality, or value
5. —— State Building
The Empire State Building is once again New York City’s tallest skyscraper (it was for nearly 40 years prior to the World Trade Center). The building is a symbol of this city and was constructed in only two years – 1930 to 1931. It stands 1,453 feet tall and weighs approximately 365,000 tons.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
I have one, you have one.
If you remove the second, bit still remains.
After much trying, you might be able to remove the third one also, but it remains.
It dies hard!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.