WELCOME to Tuesday, March 1, 2016.
I Don’t Want To Be A Doctor For The Following Reasons….
If I were a pathologist I’d be in a dead end job.
If I were a biologist I’d be in jeans all the time.
Anaesthesiology would put me to sleep.
Cell specialists are too cultured for my taste.
I can’t stand podiatry.
I can’t see myself as an ophthalmologist.
I’m too old to be a gerontologist.
I would have to be crazy to become a psychiatrist.
I’m told paediatrics is child’s play.
I haven’t got the heart to be a cardiologist.
And they’d see right through me if I went into radiology.
And I really couldn’t face it if I were a dermatologist.
I’m not cut out to be a surgeon.
If I weren’t such a baby, I’d become a gynaecologist.
It’s been drilled into me that I should be a dentist.
I’d rather be a plumber than a urologist.
If I were a proctologist I’d always be behind in my career.
I haven’t got the spine to be a chiropractor.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“It was a big day for Donald Trump yesterday, the Nevada caucuses took place. Voting in the state of Nevada is a little different. In Nevada you pull the lever first and then you find out who you voted for. It is more exciting.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The University of Texas has decided to allow students to carry guns in the classroom. The school says it’s a guaranteed way to prevent the possibility of a pop quiz.” -Seth Meyers
“Whole Foods is looking into the idea of putting tattoo parlors in their grocery stores. Even so, the people walking out of Whole Foods with the biggest sense of regret will still be whoever just paid $8 for an apple.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Strawberries are red!”
Answer: To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar! The women of the town are discussing the theme of the Strawberry Social. Two of the three drag queens, Vida and Noxeema, offer their opinion. “Red and wild that’s your theme” exclaims Noxie, who was played by Wesley Snipes. Vida is played by Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo is “The Latino Marilyn Monroe”, Chi Chi Rodriguez.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “We are Top Flight Security!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) canine fur & porcine challenge
2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture
3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber
4) underground amphibian & bar rules
ANSWER: 1) dog hair & hog dare
2) throw a stone & stow a throne
3) light a fire & fight a liar
4) cavern toad & tavern code
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Seven letters are we,
Four different words we make.
Guess us or be ridiculed;
Your reputation’s at stake.
The first has pictures,
Paintings and such.
The second causes sneezing,
From ragweed or dust.
The third is an adverb,
It’s hard to explain
It’s the same as immensely
But it’s much more plain.
If you can act like a king,
this word you will sing.
These clues are sparse
This riddle may be tough.
But if you are smart
Then it will be enough.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/