WELCOME to Tuesday, March 29, 2016.
Can You Believe It?
An actual tip from page 21 of the Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: ‘Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes’.
At Play: Blind car driver
My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the individual behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce’. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
On the Road
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the road. I was crossing with a friend of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?’
I was at London airport one Thursday, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ I answered, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled and nodded knowingly, ‘That’s why we ask.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A researcher found that blonde women are slightly smarter than brunettes. The researcher said it’s not true, but that line tends to work on blonde women at a bar.” -Conan O’Brien
“There’s a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you’re too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A woman held hostage by her boyfriend in Florida managed to escape this week after she convinced him to let her order a pizza using Pizza Hut’s app and wrote ‘911 hostage help’ in the comment section. But really aren’t all Pizza Hut orders a cry for help? ” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, “As long as we have each other, we don’t need anything else.” But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn’t afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it. “That’s just great!” she shouted. “Now there’s no entertainment in our bedroom at all!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.’
Answer: The Abyss! Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s character says this when tensions rise between the civilian divers and Navy SEALS trying to recover an American nuclear submarine in James Cameron’s wonderful sci-fi flick.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? Mathilda: ‘Leon, I think I’m falling in love with you. It’s the first time for me, you know?’
Leon: ‘How do you know it’s love if you’ve never been in love before?’
Mathilda: ‘Cause I feel it.’
Mathilda: ‘In my stomach. It’s all warm. I always had a knot there and now, . . . it’s gone.’
Leon: ‘Mathilda, I’m glad you don’t have a stomach ache any more. I don’t think it means anything.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”
ANSWER: 1. Rock & Roll 2. Mom & Pop 3. Law & Order 4. Rise & Shine 5. Rough & Tumble
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
We are brave sailors always riding the sea
We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be
We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other
Our numbers double from one bunker to another
We dance in joy all through the night
In groups of fives under the moonlight
Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves
Leaving alive more than two third of the braves
Still we continue the journey refusing to fail
So tell me how many of us are left to sail?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/