WELCOME to Thursday, May 5, 2016.
I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.
Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Nostalgia isn’t what is used to be.
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seat belt.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“In Pennsylvania, a 100-year-old woman has broken the world record for the 100-yard dash in her age group. She won with the record-setting time of ‘”Wednesday.'” -Conan O’Brien
“The parents of a baby who was recently born on a Jetstar plane have announced that they are naming him after the airline. Baby Jetstar is now at home joining his older sister, Megabus.” -Seth Meyers
“May is finally here! Yep, it’s that special time of the year when the Earth puts the weather on ‘Random Shuffle.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing ‘Start123.'”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Michael… I love you. I’ve loved you for nine years, I’ve just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and… well, now I’m just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn’t it?’
Answer: My Best Friend’s Wedding! Julia Roberts chooses an extremely bad time to confess her love. This comedy costars Rupert Everett, Durmot Mulroney, and Cameron Diaz.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hats for bats. Keep bats warm. Gracias.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each pair of hints below relates to two words. One of the words is the other one spelled backward. What are the ten word pairs?
Example: married, moisture
Answer: wed, dew
1. light source, rodents
2. dwell, wicked
3. retain, sneaking look
4. weapons, tight fit
5. portion, catching device
6. prize, furniture compartment
7. drinking aid, skin blemishes
8. stopper, big swallow
9. implement, stolen goods
10. precinct, illustrate
ANSWER: 1. star, rats 2. live, evil 3. keep, peek 4. guns, snug 5. part, trap 6. reward, drawer 7. straw, warts 8. plug, gulp
9. tool, loot 10. ward, draw
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?
There was once a blacksmith who used to make spears and shields. He came to Emperor Akbar’s court and claimed – “Your Majesty, nobody can make shields and spears like mine. My shields are so strong that nothing can pierce them and my spears are so sharp that there is nothing they cannot pierce.”
On hearing this statement, Birbal immediately said, “You lie and I can prove that you are lying.” What did he find wrong with the man’s statement?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/