WELCOME to Tuesday, June 14, 2016.
A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress. The $99 wedding dress is the perfect way to tell your man, ‘I do, I guess.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they’d mind leaving the room, the husbands and boyfriends were already gone.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A scientist and a chef teamed up to test whether or not lobsters can feel pain. Apparently, the hardest part is getting a lobster to sit still long enough to watch ‘The Notebook.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, “Say, isn’t that fine-looking bunch of cows over there.”
The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ it’s ‘herd.'”
“Herd of cows.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of cows!” finished the city boy excitedly, “there’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “My mother is in there crying and I hope your happy.”
ANSWER: Secret Admirer! Michael who is portrayed by C. Thomas Howell says this to the mailman, when he believes that his mother is upset with, because he is late. This is a tale of a love letter that continually ends up in the wrong hands. Yet another movie from 1985 that starred Kelly Preston and Lori Loughlin.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I never had any friends later on like those I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In each sentence below, the name of a fruit is hidden. Each of these fruits end with the word ‘berry’. You won’t find the word ‘berry’ itself hidden there of course, but try to find the missing part of each fruit to give it its full name.
1. He looked blue in the face from too much exposure to the freezing cold outside.
2. Boys, enter at your own risk!
3. We have a beautiful farm out in the countryside and we own a few goats, duck and one goose.
4. She got cranky when people pointed out her mistake.
5. The children are scared of his raspy voice, and stay well away from his house.
6. After a hard day’s work at the farm, the horse gratefully collapsed on the straw heap.
7. Too late! The cake had turned into a black charred mass because everyone forgot about it!
ANSWER: 1. He looked BLUE in the face from too much exposure to the freezing cold outside. – Blueberry
2. BOYS, ENter at your own risk! – Boysenberry
3. We have a beautiful farm out in the countryside and we own a few goats, duck and one GOOSE. – Gooseberry
4. She got CRANky when people pointed out her mistake. – Cranberry
5. The children are scared of his RASPy voice, and stay well away from his house. – Raspberry
6. After a hard day’s work at the farm, the horse gratefully collapsed on the STRAW heap. – Strawberry
7. Too late! The cake had turned into a BLACK charred mass because everyone forgot about it! – Blackberry
Enjoy your berry feast!
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Alice came across a lion and a unicorn in a forest of forgetfulness. Those two are strange beings. The lion lies every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the other days he speaks the truth. The unicorn lies on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, however the other days of the week he speaks the truth.
Lion: Yesterday I was lying.
Unicorn: So was I.
On which day did they say that?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS KIM HILLYARD AND MS ANDREA L. BANKS. SUPER SOLVING WORK LADIES.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/