WELCOME to Thursday, July 14, 2016.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you’re thinking you only think that you’re thinking.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation?
Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not adoor?
Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?
Being rich and it don’t mean so much . Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. Wouldn’t a good response be to write . . . A Good Doctor!
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!”
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don’t have film.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix password is now a federal crime. So if you’ve been looking for a way to send your parents to prison, here’s your chance.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A South Carolina elementary school’s lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It’s all in keeping with the school’s motto: ‘It’s Never Too Early To Give Up.'” -Conan O’Brien
“China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.
I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.
“I can’t tell you,” the Navy man said. “That’s classified.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Maybe you shoulda stole a better truck, Tonto.”
ANSWER: 48 Hours! Albert Ganz (James Remar) says this to Billy Bear (Sonny Landham) when Billy Bear rides up in his old truck to where Ganz is working on a prison chain gang. Billy Bear pulls out a gun and starts shooting prison guards. Ganz grabs a gun from a dead guard, and the two ride off in Billy’s truck. “48 Hours” stars Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, and is one of the classic comedy/action films of all time.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Does anyone here have allergies? For those of you who do have allergies, you can request a foam rubber pillow.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the word that precedes or follows four of the five words in each group below. Then, find the bonus word that precedes or follows the five words you’ve eliminated. (One from each group)
1. Bean, milk, chamber, nurse, bar
2. Case, flag, pattern, tube, pilot
3. Suit, book, ridge, breaker, man
4. Ball, theme, trailer, double, may
5. Cat, lily, shark, ski, moth
BONUS : __________
ANSWER: 1. Maid (milk-maid, chamber-maid, nurse-maid, bar-maid)
2. Test (test-case, test-pattern, test-tube, test-pilot)
3. Law (law-suit, law-book, law-breaker, law-man)
4. Park (ball-park, theme-park, trailer-park, double-park)
5. Tiger (tiger-cat, tiger-lily, tiger-shark, tiger-moth)
BONUS: Pole (bean-pole, flag-pole, ridge-pole, may-pole, ski-pole)
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you figure out the famous quote below?
Aye, dame, I am befuddled. But in the forenoon I will be clear-headed and you will still be unsightly.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/