Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Monday, July 18, 2016.    


James, a young boy of 6, turned to his Grandfather and says, ‘When you die, Grampy, I don’t want your money. Please will you leave me your memory.’ 

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so: Douglas Adams

We can only learn to love by loving: Iris Murdock

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes: Oscar Wilde

These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future: Vernon Cooper

Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don’t: Pete Seeger

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards: Vernon Sanders Law

There is a fine line between genius and insanity

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life

Experience is not what happens to a man, it’s what a man does with what happens to him: Aldous Huxley

A light heart lives long: William Shakespeare

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?: Jay Leno

Imagination is more important than knowledge: Albert Einstein

Change is inevitable; except from vending machines

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    



“Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States.” -Conan O’Brien

“New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird.” -Jimmy Fallon 



G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. 

By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. “The baby-sitter taught us how,” they said gleefully. 

The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. “Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too,” she stammered.Emoji


Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “The only Greek I know owns the restaurant, Jimmy Piersolis. Remember him? He had an ugly wife, four ugly kids, and good coffee.” 

ANSWER: Back to School! Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield) said this to his driver/bodyguard, Lou (Burt Young), when they went to Grand Lakes University to visit Thornton’s son. They didn’t know the name of the son’s fraternity. When Lou asked, “Don’t you know any Greek?”, Thornton responded with the above quote. “Back to School” is a classic from 1986. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.”


Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What has wings,

But can not fly.

Is enclosed,

But can outside also lie.

Can open itself up,

Or close itself away.

Is the place of kings and queens,

And doggerel of every means.

What is it upon which I stand?

Which can lead us to different lands. 

ANSWER: A Stage 



Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Fill in the blanks with four words, such that the first and the fourth are the same, while the second and the third are homonyms.

A jailer _ _, and a jeweler _ _.


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at   


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