WELCOME to Thursday, August 4, 2016.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…
If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
I love playing cards with children. They can’t tell you’re dealing off the bottom of the deck.
Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar… Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.
A man’s best friend is his dog. That’s assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Verizon has purchased Yahoo and plans to merge it with AOL. Verizon said its goal is to become the RC Cola of the internet.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study finds that Americans have on average become several inches shorter in the past 100 years. But scientists say it’s mainly because we’re all looking down at our phones.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Some sad news today in the world of technology, because it was announced that the last company to commercially produce VCRs, Funai Electric of Japan, will discontinue selling VHS cassette tape players this month. For those of you who don’t know what a VCR is, it’s that large digital clock underneath your great-aunt’s TV.” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring…they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe.
One day, they battled a tribe of farily large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home…but the chanting and joyesness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe.
The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I remember red.’
ANSWER: Jennifer 8! Uma Thurman was very believable playing a blind woman.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘There’s no crying in baseball!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word are a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the 8-letter answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.
Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep
Fro evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
1. Spine: btc har com bak bol tro and ent
2. Private: phr eai lrd oms gop nep anl wld
3. Proclaim: abc ran uon mou umk ens sch tec
4. Canine guard: cwt ahr ort cul ghi dgh hio trg
ANSWER: 1. Spine: Btc hAr Com baK Bol trO aNd Ent = BACKBONE
2. Private: Phr Eai lRd omS gOp Nep Anl wLd = PERSONAL
3. Proclaim: Abc raN uoN mOu Umk eNs sCh tEc = ANNOUNCE
4. Canine guard: cWt Ahr orT Cul gHi Dgh hiO trG = WATCHDOG
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Complete the series by making a selection from the pool.
Series: Hermes, Aphrodite, Gaea, Ares, Zeus, Cronus, Uranus, Poseidon, ?
Pool: Athena, Dionysus, Eros, Hades, Hephaestus, Hera
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/