WELCOME to Tuesday, November 29, 2016.
A mushroom walked into a bar and announced:
“The drinks are on me!”
The bartender said, “Why are you buying everyone drinks?”
“Because I’m a fungi.”
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
What do you call an unemployed jester?
How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old doctors never die, they just lose patience.
Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world.
Old skiers never die, they just go downhill.
Old college deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Victoria’s Secret opened at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving and stayed open all the way through Black Friday. Because if there’s one thing people want to do, it’s stuff their faces all day, and then try on lingerie.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Apple’s top designer has created a special Christmas tree that does not feature any lights or decorations. Said the designer, ‘I didn’t know this was due today.'” -Seth Meyers
“Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the past decade it’s that if Wall Street executives are doing well, regular Americans are doing well. ” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Muerte: “My name… is MUERTE!”
Jeff: “Nice to meet you Morty, my name is Jeff.”
From “Undercover Blues” – 1993.
Dennis Quaid and Kathleen Turner as married covert agents.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
Person 1: “I’m going to Bombay, India, to become a movie star!”
Person 2: “You don’t go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we’re going: Hollywood!”
Person 1: “Sure, if you want to do it the easy way!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Substitute one letter for the first letter in both words in the pairs to make two new words. Insert that new letter into the appropriate blank below the problem to spell a word.
ANSWER: The new letters line up to make the new word BRAIN!
Ball—Babel = B
Round—Rough = R
Alit—Aim = A
Ill—Ire = I
Nose—Nether = N
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.
1. White heron
2. Provide gear
3. Eyed suggestively
4. Dog’s lead
5. Alphabetical reference
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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