WELCOME to Wednesday, January 4, 2016.
Steven Wright 101………
All the plants in my house are dead–I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. “It was supposed to be hot today.”
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, “Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “I don’t want your job.”
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. “We’re surrounded.”
Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent. I didn’t know until I got there and set it up. People complained because they couldn’t see the lake. There was a forest nearby, but it wasn’t a regular forest. It was a forest made out of paneling. It was a long, thin forest.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It’s a fine night to have an evening.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.”
–Frank Lloyd Wright
“They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.”
“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.
Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing.
So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.
This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m 60 years old, Gene. What are you going to do, write me a recommendation for the morgue?’
ANSWER: ‘Mr. Holland’s Opus’. Spoken by Glenn Holland (Richard Dreyfuss) to Vice-Principal Walters (William H. Macy).
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘The next time I have a daughter, I hope it’s a boy!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Bob Lowry was going to compete in a marathon. He called the number he heard on the radio and signed up with his 2 friends. He started running and was doing a good job, but 1/3 of the way through, he stopped and did not continue running for the duration of the race. However, his name appeared as one of the top runners in the newspaper the next day. How did he do that?
He did not take a shortcut or cheat in any way.
Hundreds of people finished the race.
ANSWER: He was running a marathon relay. His friends continued for him after he ran the first 1/3. His team got first and his name was printed in the newspaper.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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