Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏


WELCOME to Monday, January 23, 2016.    

The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday 
people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


“Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.” -Harry Hill
“My dog was my soul mate; we both love naps, we both skip lunch, we both hate the vacuum cleaner.” -Elayne Boosler
“I hide photos on my computer of me petting other dogs in a file named ‘Fireworks and vacuums’ so my dog won’t find them.” -Eli Terry
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson
“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen
“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

After a sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 38 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

ANSWER: Analyze This! Spoken by Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal) to Paul Vitti (Robert De Niro) 
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Come out here, you little pipsqueak, and fight like a man!’



Friday’s Quizzler is……….

What is represented below?
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der
Der Der

ANSWER: Tender Loving Care. “Der” was written TEN times, TEN “Der”  “Love” is in “Care” 


Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each of the following sentences contains clues to a set of three words that are anagrams of each other (each sentence describes a different set).
1) George threw his extra javelin through two fleshy fruits related to an apple.
2) Mary had to halt the food preparation because she found a stain on each of the cooking utensils.
3) Per the negotiation, Isaac agreed to guide the troops through the valley.
4) How would you respond if the container of supplies had disappeared without a vestige?



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at 



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