WELCOME to Wednesday, February 1, 2017.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, “A penny for you thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Engineers have begun trying to find a way to brew beer on the moon. Which means we’ll soon have astronauts calling into Mission Control saying, ‘Houston, we have a drinking problem.'” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new report, 67 percent of millennials use Netflix, which must really tick off whoever owns the account they’re using.” -Seth Meyers
“Wildlife officials in India are now putting wild monkeys on birth control to help curb the recent population spike. This is good for wildlife, and even better for female monkeys who want to focus on their careers.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I’ll know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.’
ANSWER: ‘When Harry Met Sally’ Spoken by Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) to Sally Albright (Meg Ryan).
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What two names of US capital cities rhyme but share no vowels?
ANSWER: Austin and Boston
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What does the following rebus represent?
LAUG SIDE HTER
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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