Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Tuesday, March 21, 2017.

The Top Twenty Funny Science Jokes…………….

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in ten different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.

‘This scientific paper contains much that is new and much that is true. Unfortunately, that which is true is not new and that which is new is not true.’

A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, ‘Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights.’

One pupil opined, ‘Yeah, but Miss, there were so few of them back then.’

Here in California, when a bridge falls down, we know it must be San Andreas’ Fault!

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

A sign hanging on a laboratory door: “Gone Nuclear Fission.”

What’s a nuclear physicist’s favorite meal? Fission chips.

A quantum physicist walks into a bar… …maybe.

What’s the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic? The quantum mechanic can get inside without opening the door.

Who solves mysteries involving electricity? Sherlock Ohms

Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself properly.

If an experiment works, something has definitely gone wrong.

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.

Why are chemists perfect for solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.

Where do you put dirty dishes? In the zinc.

Why do chemists prefer nitrates? Because they’re cheaper than day rates.

Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron.

Policeman: Are you sure?

Atom: Yes, I’m positive!

What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.

What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry labs? Mentholated Spirits.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A new study reveals Americans are getting fatter and giving up on their diets. The study was conducted by

going to a water park for five minutes.” -Conan O’Brien

“Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day.

The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Technically right now is Friday, and that means today is St. Patrick’s Day. I read that Americans could spend over $5

billion for St. Patrick’s Day this year. Yeah, that’s JUST on bail money.” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke.’

ANSWER: As Good As It Gets! Spoken by Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt) to Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson).

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this rebus?

NOSE
your money
CHIN

ANSWER: Put your money where your mouth is.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

They set forth to behold the night,

Surrounding the dark with their gorgeous sight.

A sailor’s guide, a child’s fears,

They’re lost to sight as daytime nears.

From Heaven, their tears descend,

Make a wish before darkness ends.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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