Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in ten different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
‘This scientific paper contains much that is new and much that is true. Unfortunately, that which is true is not new and that which is new is not true.’
A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, ‘Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights.’
One pupil opined, ‘Yeah, but Miss, there were so few of them back then.’
Here in California, when a bridge falls down, we know it must be San Andreas’ Fault!
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
A sign hanging on a laboratory door: “Gone Nuclear Fission.”
What’s a nuclear physicist’s favorite meal? Fission chips.
A quantum physicist walks into a bar… …maybe.
What’s the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic? The quantum mechanic can get inside without opening the door.
Who solves mysteries involving electricity? Sherlock Ohms
Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself properly.
If an experiment works, something has definitely gone wrong.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
Why are chemists perfect for solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.
Where do you put dirty dishes? In the zinc.
Why do chemists prefer nitrates? Because they’re cheaper than day rates.
Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron.
Policeman: Are you sure?
Atom: Yes, I’m positive!
What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry labs? Mentholated Spirits.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.