WELCOME to Thursday, April 6, 2017.
I’ve just written a song about tortillas – actually, it’s more of a rap.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
Fishermen are reel men.
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
I put the “fun” in dysfunctional.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the “b” is silent.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.
If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
I’d tell a joke about claustrophobic people, but it might be to tight for you.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “I was thinking about doing something to my wife on April Fools’ Day but then I thought, you know what, tricking her into marrying me was more than enough prank.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man’s career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you’re a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You’re hideous.” -James Corden
“Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO….'”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Well, I ain’t sorry for you no more, you crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!’
ANSWER: The African Queen! Spoken by Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart) to Rose Sayer (Katharine Hepburn.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘His god…is God.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The _____ of the group was extremely _____, not just physically, for he was also particularly _____”, you would fill in HEAD, STRONG, and HEADSTRONG.
The guilty _____ fitted the classic _____ for such a character, highlighted by the fact that he looked to constantly _____ his next move.
ANSWER: CON, TEMPLATE, CONTEMPLATE
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What is represented by the following?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/