Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday, April 14, 2017.                           
Weekend Puns…….. 
What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend at the zoo? Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her. 😁
Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? “Rude”olph
Why did the prawn leave the nightclub? Because he pulled a muscle.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
I need to stop drinking so much milk. It’s an udder disgrace.
I would tell you a joke about my shoe but I think I shoedn’t.
Why do people litter? Because they dont take the litter signs litterally.
Insects puns bug me.
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
My hope for you is that you someday find the end of your sentence
I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. I think that’s what they mean by reducing it.
A rolling stone… somebody pushed it.
I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates.
What is it? “It” is a pronoun.
What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.
I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!
Why do dogs make good sailors? They know their knots.
What is a runner’s favorite subject in school? Jog-raphy!
Did you hear about the guy who got killed and cut into pieces and stuffed into a zipper bag? His lips were sealed.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Relationship between men and women is psychological. She is psycho and he is logical.
What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks! 🙌
My IQ test results just came in and I’m really relieved. Thank God it’s negative.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Easter weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”Buddha
“Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the
memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.” Unknown
“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.”Albert Camus
“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.” Chinese Proverb
“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not
that we seize them, but that they seize us.”Ashley Montagu
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” Stacey Charter
“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are
doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” Dale Carnegie
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles,
put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.😱
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘The weak are always trying to sabotage the strong.’
ANSWER:  Election! Spoken by Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon). 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Pile up enough tomorrows and you’ll find you’ve collected nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
What phrase is described by the following rebus?
ANSWER: Moving up through the ranks (this is a list of military ranks; one letter in
each of the ranks is uppercase; the uppercase letters spell “moving” from bottom to top, or up).

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
My rings tell such a story
Of years past with gracious glory
Where I live is where I stay
From that spot I cannot stray
From my home man taketh me
So they can erect another home, you see
Many others bore into my sides
These things that crawl and things that glide
I weep with beauty or stand with grace
Every year I shed myself to nourish my place
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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