WELCOME to Friday February 16, 2018.
1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.’ Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.’ Charles Lamb.
‘When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues
generally present him with a watch.’ R C Sherriff.
‘Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.’ Will Rogers.
‘It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.’ Scott Elledge.
‘When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at
the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.’ Alexander Graham Bell.
‘Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not,
why then this parting was well made.’ William Shakespeare.
‘Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at
the appropriate time.’ Malcolm Muggeridge
‘A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.’ Anon
‘There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!’ Groucho Marx
‘I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to retire to.’ Doctor Who
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You
know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.” The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?” “No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”😐😁😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Like a glove!’
ANSWER: Ace Ventura!
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Elwood- ‘It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’
Jake- ‘Hit it.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,”
you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I ___ so ___ to his antics that I am no longer ___ by them.
ANSWER:I AM so USED to his antics that I am no longer AMUSED by them.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/