A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for
a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a
little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage & after.
it’s because the couch was really uncomfortable.” -Seth Meyers
“According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as
those that aren’t spanked to get into fights and destroy things which is probably
why they get spanked in the first place.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only
expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien
them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week
she asked each child in turn what they had learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my Daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and
this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?'”
it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’ Jake- ‘Hit it.’