Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.
Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
The fact that you believe in something does not make it true.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion – not proof – to destroy it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
You can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
Ex-wives and Ex-husbands are like fungus, and keep coming back.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people,
“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”
“And, when was that?”
“When he asked for the second cup.” 😐
of _____________ is – you DO NOT talk about _____________.”
TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD. SUPER SOLVING KIM. 🙇🙇🙇🙅
Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep
Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
Glasses: ads hjp jje loc tpp art chr awl deg shj
Canteen: cfg ahj fgf rte ttu ioe pro ioi ear
Drink: awq ghu dfa fgh fnq
Main road: hcv dif ggh jkh lwl iay try
ANSWER: Glasses: s p e c t a c l e s
Drink: q u a f f
Main road: h i g h w a y
The Addams’ guessed Otto, Roebling, Steinmetz, Tesla, and Westinghouse.
The Bunkers guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Otto, Steinmetz, and Roebling.
The Cunninghams guessed Roebling, Tesla, Steinmetz, Westinghouse, and Otto.
The Flintstones guessed Tesla, Roebling, Otto, Steinmetz, and Westinghouse.
The Jetsons guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Steinmetz, Otto, and Roebling.
No two families got the same number of points. Which family walked home with the grand prize?