Welcome, to Tuesday, January 26th! Yesterday I went into my bank and a new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

 

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

Hey that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!   
  
Quotes of the Day  

“Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors say be careful, because you need carbohydrates
because carbohydrates create a chemical in your brain that cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you
see a guy on a ledge, about to jump… throw him a doughnut.” –Jay Leno
 
“A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers everything from the last 12 years. And I’m
thinking, ‘Wait a minute — isn’t that every woman?'” -Dave Letterman
 
“This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of
Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, ‘It’s weird, my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.'”
-Conan O’Brien

Joke of the Day* 

Everything about county customs delighted my neighbors, who had moved to our small town from the city. One day they
spotted a sign, “Fresh Eggs For Sale” at a roadside stand where payment was on the honor system. “Why can’t everyone be this trusting?” they said as they put their money into the box and took a carton. When they got home and opened it, they found 11 eggs. 

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “We’ve been on the moon since the fifties. You wanna know how — anti-grav-drive. Antigravity drive, we stole it from the nazis after World War Two, its perfectly obvious.”

Answer: Slacker. Spend a day with the slackers of Austin, Texas, as one after another pontificates on subjects ranging from anarchy to Smurfs, in Richard Linklater’s inventive directorial debut. “We’ve been on the moon…” is one of the many off-the-wall assertions of a science-fiction-nut type slacker as he follows a young guy through a residential Austin neighborhood.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I bought you a six pack and a bra in the same shop.”
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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 and these were the most memorable lyrics heard on pop radio all across America.” Song Number One: “I never really knew that she could dance like this, she make a man want to speak Spanish”. Shakira showed us she still sizzled with this smash that hit number one all over the world. Can you read the “signs of her body” and come up with this club classic?  

ANSWER: Hips Don’t Lie. “Hips Don’t Lie” debuted at number 84 on April 1st, 2006 on the American pop charts. It steadily climbed all the way to the top when it jumped from number 9 to number one on June 17th where it stayed for two weeks. It remained on Billboard’s Hot 100 for 31 weeks, long enough to earn it fifth place in their list of 2006’s most popular songs. Its measure of international success may be unparalleled, hitting the top in most of Europe and South America with 16 weeks on top of the World Singles Top 40 chart. “Don’t Bother” by Shakira hit number 42 in 2005. Eminem with Nate Dogg had a number six hit in 2006 with “Shake That”. “La Isla Bonita” went to number four for Madonna in 1987. FUN FACT: “Hips Don’t Lie” made Shakira the first South American artist to top the American pop chart.    

Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Oh baby when you talk like that You make a woman go mad So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my body” Which two talented artists sang this duet? _________________________________________________________________________
Monday’s Quizzler is..

Beethoven was a lover of teasers of all kinds, and often submitted the following to his friends.
What word can be created when following these directions?

1) Start at D.
2) Go up Eight.
3) Go down Eleven.
4) Go up Five.

What word is it?  

ANSWER: Deaf.  

 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

The abbreviation used for Australian websites is “au” (instead of “.com”). The answers to the following clues all use this abbreviation. The clues do not refer to the words themselves, rather they refer to the word that must be added to the “au”.

1. What might happen to you if you stay out in the Australian sun too long.
2. A strong Australian breeze.
3. Australian seasoning.
4. The Australian god of thunder. 
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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

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