Welcome, to Thursday, March 18th!  In Order Of Stupidity… In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. 

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair). 

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? 

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???…..) 

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion). 

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)! 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????….) 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time)? 

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) 

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness…” (and…I’m taking this because???….) 

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what)? 

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.) 

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash) 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)  Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
   
Quotes of the Day 

“Listen to this. The New York Times is now reporting it’s possible to catch the flu from money. They say the virus can live on a $20 bill for more than 10 days. So, not only is the virus contagious, it’s also very frugal.” –Jay Leno
 
“Here’s good news: For the first time in 30 years, American children have improved their reading scores. Now they can read English almost as well as Chinese children.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Spring Break is this week. It gives the college kids a switch from binge drinking on campus. Now they can binge drink on the beach.” -David Letterman 

“A 75-year-old great grandmother in Poland was arrested for riding her bicycle drunk. Did I say great grandmother? I meant the greatest grandmother.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.” – Jack Benny

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin
    
Joke of the Day* 

At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my hand to give the final blessing.   The bride misunderstood my gesture and surprised me with a high-five.  Not wanting to exclude the groom, I offered him a high-five, too.  I was finally able to get my blessing in, amid the laughter of the guests.  
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “He’s beaten me, tortured me, and I think you’re next, dear.” 

Answer: Swimming With Sharks. This was another quote from “Swimming With Sharks” said by Kevin Spacey. He says this when Dawn walks in and asks what’s going on.  
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “You know what I’m going to get you for Christmas next year? A big wooden cross…so that when you’re feeling unappreciated for all you’ve done, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it!”
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Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…show me a garden that’s bursting into life…”
 
ANSWER:  “Chasing Cars” Snow Patrol. This is off their album “Eyes Open”.    

Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “You don’t know my name, you don’t know anything about me…”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  
Unscramble the words below, and take the letters from each word as instructed:
LNEAC Take letters 2 and 4
IREPSTGE Take letters 1,4 and 6
MLACP Take letters 2 and 3
OGOLOYZ Take letters 1 and 4
INNUO Take letters 1 and 3
Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get? 

ANSWER:  LNEAC Take letters 2 and 4 – CLEAN, take L, A, IREPSTGE Take letters 1,4 and 6 – PRESTIGE, take P,S,I, MLACP Take letters 2 and 3 – CLAMP, take L,A, OGOLOYZ Take letters 1 and 4 – ZOOLOGY, take Z,L, INNUO Take letters 1 and 3 – UNION, take U,I
Letters Collected: L, A, P,S,I, L,A, Z,L, U,I
Unscramble the above to get ‘Lapis Lazuli’.
Lapis Lazuli is a beautiful deep blue gemstone with a sparkling effect. It is one of the very first gemstones to be used in jewellery, and the Egyptians used it extensively in ancient times. 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Which one of the following does not belong with the others?

Binoculars, eyeglasses, goggles, handlebars, jeans, pliers, scissors, shoes, tweezers   

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