Welcome, to Wednesday, March 24th! For all you single and newly married people, in case you didn’t know, here how to tell when foods go bad.

ICE CREAM – If you can’t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it’s time to throw BOTH out.

FROZEN FOODS – Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EGGS – When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS – Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway – if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetit!

MEAT – If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food.

CANNED GOODS – Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of very carefully.

POTATOES – Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.

CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself.

FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it.

PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there’s nothing to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 years ago.

RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.

SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can’t chip off reasonable amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours.

SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will.

VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good.

THE GAG TEST – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen. Hey I’m just saying. Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
 
   
Quotes of the Day 

“The Democrats are working overtime to get 216 votes to pass healthcare on Sunday. Which means Rahm Emanuel is prowling the showers like the head of a prison gang.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“Bernard Madoff was assaulted back in November in a prison dispute over money. The authorities are investigating the attack and have narrowed the suspects down to ‘everybody'”. – Jay Leno

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin
     
Joke of the Day*  

How To Deal with Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” 

3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 

4. Cry out in surprise,”Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 

5. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

 ____________________________________________________________________________________
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”   

Answer: You, Me and Dupree Carl Peterson (Matt Dillon) says this to his wife, Molly Peterson (Kate Hudson), one night in bed after getting married. Their newlywed life is crashed suddenly by the arrival of an unemployed, homeless friend Randy Dupree (Owen Wilson) who was the best man at their wedding. He was fired because he took time off work to attend their wedding. The arrival of Dupree creates problems between the newlyweds, as he takes their offer of a few days and extends it to a much, much longer period of time. Instead of looking for a job as he promised, he begins playing with the children of the street and hosting parties at the couple’s house. This mayhem is only increased further by the antics of Molly’s father, Mr. Thomson (Michael Douglas), also Carl’s boss, who constantly insists that Carl change his last name to Thomson rather than have Molly change hers to Peterson.  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.” _____________________________________________________________________________
 
Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…Hydraulics make our heads go nod…” 
ANSWER: “Showstopper” Danity Kane Danity Kane is formed from the winners of “Making the Band 3”.      

Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…let it rain, I clear it out..”

_____________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  
See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends with “BOARD”. Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!

1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear
8) Used in the Old West  

ANSWER: 1) Switchboard, 2) Billboard, 3) Starboard, 4) Diving Board, 5) Running Board
6) Keyboard, 7) Mortarboard, 8) Buckboard   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…
I am a chemical symbol for an element.
This element was discovered in 1824.
I am a Spanish word without the accent.
Reverse me so I become a form of a common verb.

What symbol am I? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5!    

=================================================================
Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.org.  ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net.  www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.