Welcome, to Tuesday, March 30th!  BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID…..

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc. 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…GOOD! 

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! …. Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables bad for you? 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach. 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO … Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around! 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND…..For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION….. Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

“A girl in New York whose parents were on ‘Wife Swap’ is suing the show for 100 million dollars for making her look
like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents. It’s out of control. If only there was some other way to send written
messages…if anyone can think of anything just e-mail me.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog’s.” -Jimmy Fallon
 

Joke of the day 

Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, back in the eighties, he sold his interest in one of his
projects for 3 million dollars.  The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch.  So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he’d like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of  gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier’s check.  The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down. “Sir, welcome to our town. We’re thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?” To which Maury replied, “I’ll take 10,000 toasters.” 

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”  

Answer: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. This quote is, of course, said by Borat. He narrates this as he arrives in New York’s JFK airport. This is one of his more comedic lines. During the film, Borat entertains a fear of gypsies, Jews, and interestingly, cockroaches. The movie is about a man who comes to the United States in the hopes of absorbing some of its cultures and traditions. The movie follows his antics as he adjusts to the extremely different culture of Americans.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I wish I knew how to quit you.” 

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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I can see us on the countryside, sittin’ in the grass layin’ side by side”

ANSWER: True. That is true. Justin Timberlake came out with his new album and his first hit was “SexyBack.” Because of Prince’s remark that “sexy never left” Justin and he were at odds with each other.      

Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Lately, I’ve been tryin’ to fight whatever’s pullin’ us under, it’s got a hold and really makin’ me wonder.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  
Your task is to find the word that after taking its first letter away, means the same thing.
Example: Behead an animal and leave an animal (FOX, OX).

1. Behead a musical instrument and leave a musical instrument.
2. Behead a margin and leave a margin.
3. Behead to liquify and leave to liquify.
4. Behead to ascend and leave to ascend.
5. Behead a proper name and leave a proper name.  

ANSWER:  1. FLUTE-LUTE, 2. BRIM-RIM, 3. SMELT-MELT, 4. ARISE-RISE, 5. MABEL-ABEL   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Yeah, they keep me locked up, but I guess I’m thankful, in short.
I hand out the beatings, while my neighbors import and export.
We make a good team, especially me as the muscle,
But with two dozen guards, I’m glad we never tussle.
But really, I got a lotta my own connections,
Imports, exports, with thousands collectin’.
But between us, there’s really no competition,
I call it harmonizin’ cause we’re on the same mission.
No one is unnecessary, or, you know, too small,
The guy upstairs is the boss of it all.
He’s also incarcerated, but for his good I bet it is,
Business is good, so long as we get the messages.

Question:

Who’s doing the talking, and who are the other players in this riddle? (there are a total of 28, minus the narrator’s connections) 

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