Welcome, to Thursday April 8th, In Order Of Stupidity… In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???…..)
On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????….)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time)?
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness…” (and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what)?
On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!
Quotes of the Day
Television has raised writing to a new low. – Samuel Goldwyn
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult. – Edmund Gwenn
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
– Alfred Hitchcock
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. Helen Rowland
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
H.L. Mencken
Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.
George Bernard Shaw
Joke of the day
“What kind of music do you sing?” “Aqua-pella.” “Don’t you mean ‘a cappella’, singing without instrumental accompaniment?” “Nope. I mean ‘aqua-pella’, singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “That place at the base of a woman’s throat? You know – the hollow here – does that have an official name?””Good God, man, pull yourself together.”
Answer: The English Patient. In this scene Hungarian-born mapmaker Count Laszlo de Almásy (Ralph Fiennes) and his friend Maddox (Julian Wadham) are walking through a market area in Cairo, Egypt. Almásy is having a love affair with Katharine Clifton (Kristin Scott Thomas) and remembers how he had kissed the depression at the base of her throat and had said at the time, “This – what’s it called? This place, I love it!” While he and Maddox are in the market area, Almásy asks Maddox the question in line one. Maddox looks surprised and replies with line two (but later in the movie tells Almásy it’s called the suprasternal notch). “The English Patient” tells the story of Count Almásy, who is badly burned in an airplane crash. Through a series of flashbacks while he is recovering, he remembers his prior life and the affair he had with Katharine Clifton.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? “You here to make fun of me too?” “No, ma’am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we’re aware of. May we come in?”
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Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Meet me in the trap, it’s going down”? “Meet me in the trap, it’s going down”?
ANSWER: Yung Joc. This was Yung Joc’s first hit off of his debut album “New Joc City”.
Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “True or false it may be, she’s still out to get me”.
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..
Which country, from group A, belongs in group B?
GROUP A
Australia, Cyprus, France, Great Britain, Hong Kong, Japan
GROUP B
United States, China, Egypt, Kuwait, Norway
ANSWER: France. The countries in group A all drive on the left hand side of the road, France belongs in group B, as they drive on the right.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…
The following clues give definitions for world capitals. These definitions describe what the capitals (just the city) sound like they would mean.
1) This capital is a recently opened store for cooked meats.
2) This capital is plant-covered bovine.
3) This capital is a tool used for fighting.
4) This capital is a royal weight.
5) This capital is a cheer for a body of water.
6) This capital is the legendary vehicle graveyard.
7) This capital is something that annoys a religious figure.
8) This capital is a basic digit.
9) This capital is something you get from the sun.
10) This capital is a score for a ringer.
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