Welcome, to Monday April 19th. Male or Female? From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason. The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. 

KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. 

TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated. 

HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part. 

SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. 

MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually
indicate it did not pay attention to your question. 

WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on. 

SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. 

ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. 

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 

HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. 

HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around. 

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people. 

CRITIC: Female, What, this needs to be explained?  Hey I’m just saying. Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. -P.J. O’Rourke

There’s a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
– Dorothy Parker

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson 

Guaranteed to Make You Laff!
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Some Vague Thoughts 

Vanity Plates seen on a Mercedes Benz in California – WAS HIS

Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills – Making the last car payment.

The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don’t drive any better during the week.

If you can’t keep a secret, you don’t need to know it.

Quote from the boss: “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”

If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.

Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.

When your dreams turn to dust, it’s time to vacuum.

Is your holier side your altar ego?

I need someone to refresh my memory. How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red? Is it three or five?

What’s dumber, expecting educators to be entertaining, or expecting entertainment to be educational?
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I have to crack this guy. I mean this is Defcon 5, and I have to do something truly appalling. It’s not funny.”  

Answer: How to lose a Guy in ten days!  Benjamin Barry is an advertising executive and ladies’ man who, to win a big campaign, bets that he can make a woman fall in love with him in 10 days. Andie Anderson covers the “How To” beat for “Composure” magazine and is assigned to write an article on “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days.” They meet in a bar shortly after the bet is made. 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.”

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Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’m sorry I was late, but I missed the train and then the traffic was a state”

ANSWER: “Mardy Bum”-Arctic Monkeys.  From the fastest selling debut album ever, “Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not.” Despite this being a favourite amongst fans, Arctic Monkeys decided not to release this track as a single.       

Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I’m a control freak and I’m only fourteen years old”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  
If you have played Might and Magic (a computer game), then you have encountered the Vowel-less Knights, a strange group who speak without vowels. It is up to you to decipher what they are saying. In their tradition then, what are the following sayings?
1) shll rtrn.
2) Th sht hrd rnd th wrld.
3) Cm p nd s m smtm.

ANSWER: 1) I shall return. Bonus: General MacArthur, when he left the Philippines. Side note: He did.

2) The shot heard around the world. Bonus: This phrase was used by the press of the day to describe the first time American soldiers fought the British, as the British troops marched through Lexington on their way to Concord, and history.

3) Come up and see me sometime. Bonus: Mae West, arguably the most popular USO entertainer and pinup girl of WW2.   

Monday’s Quizzler is…

Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.  EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)

Try to connect petting to guard.

Petting
Z_ _
A_ _ _ _ _
C_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Guard 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB JAZZZZZZZZZZZ.  

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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