Welcome, ‏to Friday August 28th, Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple……

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. 
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“Miss Mexico is the new Miss Universe, and today begins a
grueling year of waving.” -David Letterman
 
“Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in
the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken.”
-Jay Leno
 
“This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring
in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The
man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his
wife fell for it.” -Conan O’Brien
 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter
asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”  “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife.” replied the hunter.  

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.’

Answer: The Princess Bride! Westley said this to Princess Buttercup right before she found out that the man in black was really Westley. Princess Buttercup was in love with Westley for many years, but feared that her true love had died, in this cute movie. Westley came back for her and discovered that Buttercup still loved him after so many years. 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘If I’m working late, you gotta work late! If you can’t work late, I can’t work late! If I can’t work late, I can’t work late.’

TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO! GREAT MOVIE TRIVIA-ING CARRIE!

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “This is when I start to bite my nails”

ANSWER: He Wasn’t! This is from Avril Lavigne’s second album, “Under my Skin” (2004).  

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son” 

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.

1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).

2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).

3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).

ANSWER: 1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Better late than never.
3. Great minds think alike. 

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

In each list, there are parts of words jumbled around that form the names of popular television shows. Your job is to construct eight (8) complete 8-letter words from list A and B.

List A:

ARDY
SEIN
MACG
MOKE
IVOR
ROSE
BAYW
SIDE

List B:
FELD
GUNS
IRON
JEOP
SURV
YVER
ATCH
ANNE

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5, MS CARRIE PALOMBO, AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB LADIES!         

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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