Welcome, ‏to Monday October 4, 2010.  Top ten signs you bought a bad computer…….

10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.

9. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy.

8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.

7. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”.

6. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long.

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

4. The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t it break time yet?”

3. The manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!”

2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.

1. You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have an eye opening Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y !  

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.”

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet,

make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates  

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.  Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, “Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I’m trying to help. Now think!”  The man says, “There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell’s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face”.  “Wow”, said Peter, “That’s impressive. When did this happen”?  “Oh, about 10 minutes ago”, replied the man.   

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “You’re gonna talk to me about style? You can’t even dress yourself… look at that bow tie.” “Don’t you be talking about my bow tie!”  

Answer:  School of Rock! Dewey Finn pretends to be a substitute teacher in this movie, so that he can earn some quick money. However, when seeing the pupils’ musical talent Dewey ends up forming a rock band with the pupils playing the instruments! Billy, one of the students, says this to Dewey Finn who is his teacher. Billy is in charge of the band uniforms, but gets a bit irritated when Dewey doesn’t like his ideas! Dewey, who likes his bow tie, replies: “Don’t you be talking about my bow tie!”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “Let me see, I know how to fence and you don’t… Or I have class and you don’t. Take your pick.” and “YOU’RE nervous?! An 11 year old is cutting my hair!”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “You make me wanna lala!  

ANSWER:  Ashlee Simpson who sings this song, was caught lipsynching on an episode of “Saturday Night Live”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Do the rock away…” 

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

What saying is hidden in this rebus?

Playing at first base is Bert Kidney.
Playing at second base is Ernie Liver.
Playing at third base is Tom Stomach.
Playing at shortstop is Jerry Pancreas.
Playing behind home plate is Felix Heart.
On the mound is Oscar Lung.

ANSWER: Home is where the heart is (the player whose last name is Heart is at home).
 

Monday’s Quizzler is… 

In this teaser, you are to start with the word ‘HALF’, and then each time, change a letter to make a new word. You need to continue this process until you reach the word ‘BACK’.

You must do this in four (4) turns.

Good luck.

HALF
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _

BACK 

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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