WELCOME to Thursday, December 16, 2010. Bagpipe Jokes…..
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too.

Bagpipes (noun) – I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.

Q. What’s the definition of a minor second?
A. Two bagpipes playing in unison.

Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.

Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bagpipe recital.

Q. What’s the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes?
A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]

Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

Q. What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.

Q. How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, one to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how Bill Livingston would have done it.

Q. How many bagpipers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. 5-one to do it, and four to criticise his fingering style.

Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Thursday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. H.L. Mencken

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Author Unknown

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t. Author Unknown

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.” The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then John’s date walked out. “Isn’t Spot the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?” “To tell the the truth, ” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘So I go to start shooting, and he says, ‘Where’s your script?’ And I say, ‘I don’t need a script. Godard doesn’t use a script.’ And he says, ‘Great. Who’s Godard?’

Answer:The Doors! Ray Manzarek (Kyle Maclachlan) explains to Jim Morrison (Val Kilmer) that film school didn’t work out quite the way he had planned.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘There are two hundred and fifteen bones in the human body. That’s *one*.’
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Sometimes I hear that song and I’ll start to sing along, and think, ‘Man, I’d love to see that girl again'”

Answer: All Summer Long! “All Summer Long” debuted at number 80 on the Billboard Hot 100 in July of 2008. Incorporating parts of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” and Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London”, the song became a huge hit on the American airplay charts where it peaked at number three. However, the decision not to release the song as a digital download hurt its impact on the Hot 100 where the song peaked at number 23 on September 13th. It was the third song released from Kid Rock’s number one album “Rock N Roll Jesus”. Upon its release, “All Summer Long” became Kid Rock’s biggest international single, hitting number one in Australia, Austria, Germany, Ireland, Switzerland and the United Kingdom.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

The answer to each clue is the name of a famous person or character whose initials in the clue have been replaced with asterisks.

1. *illionaire computer ma*nate
2. The *lue Lagoon *tar
3. Top foot*all ru*her
4. Sca*lett’s *eau
5. Wi*bledon champio*

ANSWER: 1. BG = Bill Gates
2. BS = Brook Shields
3. BS = Barry Sanders
4. RB = Rhett Butler
5. MN = Martina Navratilova

Thursday’s Quizzler is…  

Delete a letter from the words below and then add a 3-letter word to it (doesn’t matter where) to form a new word that matches each clue in the ( ).

1. Cart (a vegetable)
2. Fling (a sport since the stone age)
3. Kits (cute and adorable when little)
4. Surf (you are doing one right now)
5. Gum (a place to talk about stuff)

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING WEDNESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB BANKS!

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 Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/