WELCOME to Wednesday, December 21, 2010. Twenty Ways to Confuse Santa Claus ———-

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, “For The Tooth Fairy. :)” Leave a nother plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, “For Santa. :(”

11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue for personal injury.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Wednesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

“Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.” – Denis Leary as Gus in “The Ref”

“I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred
shot range model air rifle!”
– Peter Billingsley as Ralphie in “A Christmas Story”

Apple is working on new 3-D technology that can be seen
without special glasses. But it’s not ready yet, so if you
want to experience 3-D without having to wear 3-D glasses,
you have to go outside and look at something.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Scientists in California are developing a high-tech device
that will tell obese people if they are eating too much and
not exercising enough. That device is called ‘a scale.'”
-Conan O’Brien

“A man in Sicily had himself arrested so he wouldn’t have
to spend the holidays with his relatives. How many guys are
going, ‘Why didn’t we think of that?'” -Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. “No problem,” I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. “You can’t do that,” argued my four-year-old. “Don’t worry. Santa will never know.” He shot me a look. “So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?”
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘Print is dead.’

Answer: Ghostbusters! This is Egon Spengler’s (Harold Ramis) response to Janine (Annie Potts) when she suspects aloud that he ‘reads a lot’.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If I find out you’re lyin’ to me, I’m gonna come back and kill you in your own kitchen.’
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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “For some reason I can’t explain, I know St. Peter won’t call my name”

Answer: Viva La Vida! Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” hit number one in the United States on June 28th, 2008 and spent over 50 weeks on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. The song also reached number one on several other Billboard charts including the Adult Top 40 and Modern Rock charts. Found on a large number of critics’ lists of the best of the year, “Viva La Vida” was the first number one song by a British artist in America in over ten years, back when the Spice Girls reached the top with “Wannabe”. “Viva La Vida” was successful all across the world reaching the top in the Netherlands and the United Kingdom and hitting the top ten in over a dozen other countries. The song placed at number 13 in Billboard’s ranking of the top hits of 2008.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

For each of the following word pairs, you are looking for two word answer, the first is a rhyme of the first word and gives the category. The second word is a rhyme and is a specific word in that category. For example, “Kitty, Tennis” translates to “City, Venice”.

1. Varmint, Packet
2. Duller, Fellow
3. Speaker, Spiky
4. Funny, Scholar
5. Petal, Shopper
6. Foxer, Bison
7. Fetal, Bingo

ANSWER: 1. Garment, Jacket
2. Color, Yellow
3. Sneaker, Nike
4. Money, Dollar
5. Metal, Copper
6. Boxer, Tyson
7. Beatle, Ringo

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…  

Given below are five pairs of words. Each pair sounds similar, but have different meanings (they are homonyms). Can you find them?

Lift high – Bring down, destroy
Plant with ears – Labyrinth
Burial/Cremation formalities – Uses a pen and paper and forms legible words
To communicate with God – Carnivore’s target
Watery part of milk that separates when milk turns to curds – The route or the course traveled from one place to another

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/