WELCOME to Monday, May 2, 2011. TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. (my favorite…)
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y !
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the
second-best policy.” – George Carlin
“The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen
and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison
“Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted
line. He caught every other fish.” – Steven Wright
“For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare,
generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Scientists have developed a car that can run on water. The only problem is that the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.” -Jay Leno
“We have as a guest tonight, Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
I’m going to ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind: ‘As a bishop, do
you always have to move diagonally?'”
-Craig Ferguson
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s
One night our dog suddenly began barking almost every night at around 3 a.m. Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the back yard for what might have disturbed
this otherwise peaceful animal. For three days he found nothing amiss. When the dog woke up the neighborhood a fourth night at 3 a.m. with frantic barking Larry
finally snuck around the house through the alley only to discover our quiet neighbor, the last man you’d suspect of wrongdoing, throwing pebbles over the
fence at the dog. My husband demanded to know what he was doing. “My mother-in-law is visiting,” the embarrassed neighbor explained. “If she gets
woken up in the middle of the night one more time she says she’ll leave.”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote
from??? Man: “I think we need a few more drinks.” Woman: “To break the ice?” Man: “Nah, to kill the bug you have
up your…!” Answer:Terms of Endearment Jack Nicholson!
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is
this quote from?? Man: “It’s okay, the wet look is in…”
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try
and identify which song or which artist.“Am I crazy or falling in love?” Answer: “Crush”-David Archuleta“Do you ever think when you’re all alone,
All that we can be, where this thing can go? Am I crazy or falling in love?Is it real or just
another crush?”
Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try
and identify which song or which artist. “I turn the radio on, I turn the radio up, and this woman was singing my song.”
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Friday’s Quizzler is..
Which of the following words does not belong in the list,
and why?
Reappear
Caucasus
Inefficiencies
Signings
Arraigning
Horseshoer
Intestines
Appeases
Answer: The odd word out is INEFFICIENCIES
In all the other words, each of the letters in the word appears twice.
Monday’s Quizzler is…
There was a death on Treebark Ln. The victim was identified as Mark Oswalt, who recently was married.
The police went to the crime scene and they reported the death as a suicide.
Later that day, after the police left, a private detective, hired by the
victim’s friend who thought it was a murder, searched the crime scene and found
a note the police missed.
It read,
“4,3: 8,1:_: 9,1: 2,1: 7,4:_:
6,1:9,3:_: 9,1: 4,3: 3,3: 3,2: !”
The detective took out his cell phone and started dialing the police to tell them about his findings. Once the
detective opened the phone to dial, he immediately screamed out, “I SOLVED IT!”
Who was the murderer and how did the detective find out?
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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily?
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