Ponderings for Today………

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating? That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o te s o f t h e d a y

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” Anonymous.

“Half of the people in the world are below average.” Anonymous.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!” Yogi Berra.

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,” Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes. 

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.” Albert Einstein

“Marriage is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” Lisa Hoffman.

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” Anonymous.

“A rich man’s joke is always funny.” Proverb.
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?” The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.” The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?” The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t need therapy.’ Answer: Good Will Hunting. Excellent
screenplay written by 2 college kids for an assignment. (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck) The quote is said by Will after being being ‘hypnotized’ by the one
therapist.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Losing.’

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “I realized quickly, when I knew I
should, that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man, or whatever that means.” Answer: Brandy. From Brandy’s late 90’s hit album
“Never Say Never”, this lyric is from the song “Almost Doesn’t Count”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Can’t keep on loving you one foot
outside the door.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

If you’re good at solving puzzles, these will be easy. Every answer is a two-word phrase in which the first word begins with “BE” and the second with
“ST”.  Ex: A fairy tale is a popular one.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _
BEDTIME STORY
1.)Nickname for Utah.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

2.)One jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

3.)Cause of red bump on the skin.
BE_ ST_ _ _

4.)What separates Alaska from Russia.
BE _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

5.)Star of “Zoolander” and “Meet the Fockers”.
BE_ ST_ _ _ _ _

6.)Once a giant among the United States’ metal manufacturers.
BE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

Answer: 1.)Beehive State, 2.)Belmont Stakes, 3.)Bee Sting, 4.)Bering Strait, 5.)Ben Stiller, 6.)Bethlehem Steel

Monday’s Quizzler is…

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a
catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE:  Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower. Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.
You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover
2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop
3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS THREE TIMES IN ROW! GREAT JOB BANKS!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
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