WELCOME to Tuesday, August 30, 2011.   Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

As Hostage Taker:

1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the  bathroom.
3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn’t return, send the others to see what’s taking him so long.
4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.
5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then  remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.
6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.
7. Tell the negotiator that you’d rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.
8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.
9. Forget your gun at home.
10. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a “meanie”.
11. Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you.

As Negotiator:

1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.
2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, “It all you you you! What about my needs?!”
3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you’d like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.
4. Show up stoned and do anything at all.
5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone “La la la la!  I can’t hear you!”
6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.
7. Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.
8. Tell the hostage taker you think it’d be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.
9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to hindu if he wants you to deal with him.
10. When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, “You’re never gonna be on COPS with a wimp attitude like that.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” –Rita Rudner

“You don’t know what humiliation is until you’ve shown up on your first day of junior high in moon boots and a snow suit that your mother got on sale during the summer. I looked like a demented astronaut.” -Drew Carey

“When you get married and have a kid, you can’t do all those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist of seventeen or eighteen… like kill yourself.” -Al Rae

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why on Earth did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” The husband replied, “They had eggs.”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Chief I can’t tell if he’s really smart or really dumb.’ Answer: ‘Jaws’. Quint said this to Chief Brody once he has the shark on the line.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from?? ‘This town need an enema!’

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “My candle shines without a doubt, but
the wind in your wings blows them out.” Answer: “Not An Angel”- City Sleeps. “My candle shines at night time through the dark. But my darling you have fallen and don’t belong. My candle shines without a doubt, but the wind in your wings blows them out.” This song if off “Not An Angel”. City Sleeps is from Atlanta, Georgia. The band has five members: Elliot Marsh Sharp (vocals), Brad Allen (bass), Adriel Garcia (guitar), Steve Miloszewski (guitar), and John Whitney (drums).

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. And finally where are “I know nothing of your kind, and I won’t reveal your evil mind,”

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Monday’s Quizzler is….

Below are ten clues, each of which relates to the first line of a different Christmas carol or song. Unlike the title of the teaser, these clues
only have the first letters of each of the words.  Can you figure out what songs they are?

1. CROAOF, 2. IDOAWC, 3. RTRNRHAVSN, 4. GGROBAR, 5. IHABCWY, 6. ISMKSC, 7.
OTFDOCMTLGTM, 8. FTSWAJHS, 9. IBMBOJHSSOM, 10. JBJBJBR

Answer: 1. A Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…)
2. White Christmas (I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…)
3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose…)
4. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Grandma got run over by a reindeer…)
5. Blue Christmas (I’ll have a blue Christmas without you…)
6. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus…)
7. The 12 Days of Christmas (On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…)
8. Frosty, the Snowman (Frosty, the snowman, was a jolly, happy soul…)
9. I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas (I broke my bat on Johnny’s head, somebody snitched on me…)
10. Jingle Bell Rock (Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock…)

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Which is the odd one out?
Boundaries
Cancerous
Librarian
Scorpions
Chameleon
Keyboards

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
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