WELCOME to Thursday, September 22, 2011.  Future Novelists…….

Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

 “Grandparents complain that their families don’t call them. But in their defense, a lot of the time that people call, grandparents answer the blender.” -Craig Ferguson

“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for shipping and handling.” -David Letterman

“The University of Chicago is hosting an academic conference called ‘Jersey Shore Studies.’ Meanwhile in Korea, students are learning something called ‘math.'” -Jimmy Kimmel

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.  “When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!”  Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore….they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Looks like you Irish cops are perking up… That’s two solid thories in one day, neither of which have to do with an overly sized man… Makes me feel like Riverdancin’!”Answer: The Boondock Saints.

Willem Dafoe in possibly his most twisted and off the wall roll plays a FBI man searching down to Irish vigilantes in Boston who take it upon themselves to rid the world of those that walk against the will of God. This quote is when Dafoe is in a crime scence and one of the local officers offers up the second straight good theory concerning the possible identity of the Saints.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’ll be good to you, you’ll be good to me. We can be together, be together.” Answer: Just Be Good To Green. Professor Green, born Stephen Paul Manderson, reached number five in the US with this song.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari. But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.” ___________________________________________________________________________________