WELCOME to Thursday, December 1, 2011. Q&A… 

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?  A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A: So what’s your question?
Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain that I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”   That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! ___________________________________________________________________________________________

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and, therefore, the foundation of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and relevetory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.   J. K. Rowling, Harvard Commencement Address, 2008

Language is the source of misunderstandings. Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 – 1944)

Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings. Arthur Rubinstein (1886 – 1982)

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anaïs Nin (1903 – 1977)

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. Marian Evans

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. H. L. Mencken (1880 – 1956)

And that’s the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle. Stan Dunn

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G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.” The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!” 

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law in law school.”Answer: A Few Good Men.  This is a great legal drama centering on the court martial of two marines charged with the murder of another cadet. He died as a result of a hazing incident which the defendants claim they were ordered to do which their superior officers deny. Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) says this line to Lt. Galloway (Demi Moore) after their defense of the two defendants has taken an awful turn. This is a very entertaining drama from 1992. Even though it is a drama, there are quite a few funny lines throughout the movie.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “You’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who IS on first. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.”
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You’re vain, your game, you’re insecure You love me, you like her.” Answer: “Vain” and “Games”. These lyrics are from the song “7 Things” by Miley Cyrus. This song topped #4 on the iTunes’ “Top Songs” list in June 2008. “7 Things” is her second top 10 single, along with “See You Again”.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own.” ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________