Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, December 16, 2011.  Really Stupid People……

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“A guy went loose in a mall in New Hampshire smashing things with a hammer and he’s charged with feeling like we all do in a mall around Christmas time.” -Conan O’Brien
“The Library of Congress has partnered with Twitter to store every tweet ever posted. The Library of Congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and now it will so include tweets from Gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsamic vinegar on her salad.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“They have discovered a planet just like Earth, 600 light-years away and they are calling it ‘Superearth.’ They have affordable housing and better schools but other than that, it’s just like Earth.” -Dave Letterman
I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with a severe bout of jet lag induced foot-in-mouth disease. As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms around my better half, gave her a kiss, and announced, “It’s good to be in my own bed, with my own wife!”

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the racetrack. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the races before and wanted to understand the rules and look over all the horses before placing a wager.
“You’re too cautious and detail-oriented,” the broker criticized as he placed his large bet. His horse won and he raked in a bundle of money.
“What’s your secret?” the analyst asked.
“It’s simple,” the broker explained. “I have two kids… ages two and six…so I add their ages together and bet on number nine.”
“But two and six is eight, not nine!” protested the analyst.
“See!” the broker replied, “I told you you’re too cautious and detail-oriented.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “We have come to the most critical area of masculine behavior…dancing.” [Person 2 starts dancing] Person 1: “Truly manly men do not dance.” Person 2: “Oh, come on!”Answer: In and Out.  This 1997 movie stars Kevin Kline (for the third time in a row) as Howard Brackett, an English teacher from the quiet little town of Greenleaf, Indiana who discovers he is gay (after much denial) after a former student of his (now a world-famous actor) outs him during an Oscar acceptance speech.  This exchange is between Howard (Person 2) and a self-help cassette tape (Person 1) (titled “Be a Man: Exploring Your Masculinity”), when Howard is trying to become more masculine in order to prove to the people in the town that he is not gay.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “Do you have a Band-Aid and antibiotic cream?” Person 2: “No, no, and sadly, I think I’ve lent out my iron lung.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. If you only knew what I talked about when I’m with my friends just hanging out then you’d have the inside scoop on what to say what to do…”?  Answer: Fly On the Wall

“Paparazzi” is actually by Lady GaGa (my favorite artist EVER). “Piece Of Me” is by Britney Spears. “Outta my Head (Ay Ya Ya)” is by Ashlee Simpson, and “Fly On The Wall” is by Miley Cyrus.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I Kissed a Girl”?________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

 

If you like solving puzzles, periodically, Then this may suit your particular body chemistry. One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace, Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace. Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky, Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die. Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear. Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere. Put us all together and we wield economic power, A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour. What am I?

 

Friday’s Quizzler is………..

By using each set of letters below, create a compound word out of two separate words. Each of the separate words has a letter in common and that letter is given in the correct position for each word. Use the letters provided only once. The compound word may begin with either of the two separate words.
Example: MIOMST _ _ _ E _ _ _ E
Answer: SOMETIME
1. DROAND L _ _ _ L _ _ _
2. WYODNH _ E _ _ _ _ E _
3. TAROEO _ _ _ M M _ _ _
4. LALOSOF _ E _ _ _ _ _ _ E
5. FPRACLI _ _ _ _ E _ _ _ E
6. HELRAFE _ _ _ T _ _ _ _ T
7. OWOCSDS _ R _ _ _ _ _ R _
8. EDAHEO _ _ M _ M _ _ _
9. ORIPNOF _ _ _ _ T _ _ _ T

 

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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