WELCOME to Friday, December 22, 2011. Christmas downsizing…… 

Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (“thirteen lawyers-a-suing”), action is pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.      That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Christmas weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

Bill was short of money and was out looking for a job. Pastor Nelson offered Bill $500 to buy paint and paint the church. Well Bill went out bough some paint and started painting the church. He discovered that he was using more paint than he expected so the added some thinner to the paint, well it is still covered but not as well as it did at first. Well he still was using more paint than he wanted to use so he added still more thinner to the paint. Well the paint was too thin cover well but Bill still kept on painting. All of a sudden there was a bolt of lighting and a loud voice from the sky proclaimed, “Repaint and thin no more.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Get out of my way, son. You’re using my oxygen.”Answer:One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Jack Nicholson as Randle P. McMurphy to a young Brad Dourif. Jail bird McMurphy decides to take a ‘holiday’ in a mental hospital, but ends up on a permanent vacation from reality when he’s lobotomised, thanks to the twisted Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher). Marlon Brando, Gene Hackman and James Caan were all rumoured to have been offered the role before Nicholson.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??“Why don’t we just…wait here for a little while, see what happens?”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You’ll know the vertigo is gonna go.”Answer: Barenaked Ladies“Hold it now and watch the hoodwink. When I make you stop, think, you think you’re looking at Aquaman. I summon fish to the dish although I like the shelly Swiss I like the sushi ’cause it’s never touched the frying pan. Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes. Big like Leanne Rymes, ’cause I’m all about value. Bert Camper’s got the mad hits. You try to match wits. You try to hold me but I bust through.” are all lyrics from the Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”, but for some reason the only lyrics any one seems to know are “chickidy China, the Chinese chicken”. 

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“Dry is good and wind is better.”

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